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My incredibly shallow analysis of Watchmen where I don’t give a damn about spoilers because everyone either knows the plot or doesn’t care to know the plot:

• I thought Rorschach would be uglier. He was merely Hollywood ugly.
• I thought Dan would be fatter. He was merely Hollywood fat.
• I thought the Comedian would be less likable. I really felt conflicted. It was a good thing.
• I didn’t like the condensing/changing of Rorschach’s backstory. I am really caught up on the fact that he didn’t leave the child murderer in a burning building with a saw to cut off his hand.
• But oh god Jackie Earle Haley was perfect.
• WTF at Mickey from Seinfeld showing up.
• Dr. Manhattan on Mars doesn’t translate well to film, but I admire what Billy Crudup did with the character. And I’m kind of surprised that I didn’t see him as “that kid in Almost Famous.”
• Reading the trivia section on IMDb is kind of heart attack-inducing. Especially lines like, “X was slated to do Y, but turned it down.” Especially when X is Tom Cruise or Michael Bay.
• The only sex scene I can think of that is more awkward than Dan and Laurie in Watchmen is in R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet.

My brain has been foggy as all hell lately, so I apologize for the lack of updates. Here’s a media I’ve consumed update:

I had a serious F____ you for being done! moment this morning after I’d finished Shannon Burke’s Black Flies. Even though it had a couple of typos. And you should know that it takes a lot for me to like a book with editing problems.

Gang Leader for a Day was a great read. I’m going to go ahead and say that you’re an idiot if you’re reading the book for statistics or an objective view of life in the projects. This is basically a memoir. It’s more like reading Garfinkle than Pareto. Fair warning: you may or may not want to stab someone when you think about all the stupid things Venkatesh does (intentionally leaving his research in his subject’s home? really?).

World War Z was a little contrived. It had a stark realness to it, sure, but so much predictability in the worst way possible. I mean, we’re talking about plot twists M Night Shyamalan would write. “The dispatcher that saved her life was actually her imagination!” “That guy in the mental hospital that’s being interviewed about a guy actually is the guy!”

I’ve been listening to Maritime’s We, the Vehicles a lot. The songs you should listen to first are “Parade of Punk Rock T-Shirts!” and “Tearing Up the Oxygen.”

Rogue Wave’s Descended Like Vultures is not as good as I thought it would be. I probably need to give it more of a chance though. Download “Love’s Lost Guarantee” and you will be satisfied.

I got an Xbox 360 recently, so here are some mini(er) reviews:

Fable II: The main plot line ends in a really anticlimactic way. You can never be skinny if you want to have a good amount of health (my female hero did not have a neck despite existing solely on celery). I’m in the process of playing it through again without rushing.

Castle Crashers: …is cute and fun!

Left 4 Dead: I am so bad at this game, but it’s so much fun! I’m hoping I’ll be a bit better once I get new glasses and maybe adjust the brightness a bit. I am sad that melee is not an effective way to kill zombies. I was expecting it to be like Halo where you can one-shot someone with a whack to the back of the head.

Rock Band 2: The adjustment from playing real drums to playing plastic drums is difficult. My hands are slow and stupid when it comes to regular guitar; the plastic guitar is no different. Maybe I should be playing lefty.

1. Facebook account is back. What an inconvenience to be without it for a week. WTB belated event invitations, please.
2. I think I’m bordering on a shopping addiction. I am so in love with this necklace and had to walk away from the computer when I realized I’d received my federal tax return back.
3. PMS + drinking + job I suck at = I wish I was unemployed crisis.
4. Why does the fan in my refrigerator make a weird noise every now and then?
5. Does someone want to do the flowers for my wedding for like $200? Why the hell should a vase with 5 daisies cost $60?

Apparently I cannot change my last name to Explosion when I get married because according to Facebook, it is a fake name. I made a half-assed appeal to get my account reactivated but it doesn’t look good and I kind of stopped caring anyway, since I only used Facebook to check out pictures of events I’d been at. And then there’s all that creepy stuff going on. And the breastfeeding overreaction thing.

For the record:

1. When I made the name change, there was never a warning anywhere that said “USE YOUR REAL NAME OR ELSE!” and it was never in the TOS when I originally signed up. Nothing ever said, “you will need a scan of your birth certificate to sign up.”
2. Facebook has no qualms about stating whether or not you do indeed have a fake name. Not “we believe your name is fake,” but rather “this name is fake.” My current legal name could be accused of being fake, as it is the same name as a popular female model. And gods help you if you’re like one of my unfortunate customers and your last name is a word for “ass.” And your first name is a word for “vomit.”
3. Facebook thought that “Blatcher” was a fake name.
4. Their complaint about “fake” names is “Facebook is built around real world interactions. Operating under an alias detracts from the value of the system as a whole.” I listed my maiden name and changed my name to my future married name. Apparently I was still able to maintain “real world interactions” or whatever because both of my sisters and a couple of my cousins were able to find me using my current legal name just fine. Some people are better known by an alias or pseudonym than their legal name. Additionally, I find it funny that Facebook thinks that it has some sort of intrinsic value.
5. The other complaint about fake names is that they are apparently more likely to be abuses of the system (e.g.: spambots). I have been an active member of Facebook since it was made available to my college, and it is pretty obvious that I am a real person.
6. Both of my sisters are using “fake” names and are listed by their maiden names — despite being married (and having legally changed their names).
7. So anyway, if I’m not on your friends list anymore, I didn’t dump you as a friend. But uh, if you’re from Emerson I probably wanted to.

Things I hate right now:
1) The term “passed away.” I’ve expounded on this before, I believe.
2) My job, because I’m realizing that it’s making it totally impossible for me to find or go to a therapist.
3) Medicine, because apparently the only solution to my horrible death cramps is a higher dose of birth control (and I cannot trust myself to take a pill at the same time every day).

Things I love right now:
1) Rachel Maddow podcast of the entire show.
2) My new-ish boots, which keep my feet warm and dry without making me look hideous.
3) Finally watching the first season of 30 Rock, which may be the only (intentionally) funny show on television right now.