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My incredibly shallow analysis of Watchmen where I don’t give a damn about spoilers because everyone either knows the plot or doesn’t care to know the plot:

• I thought Rorschach would be uglier. He was merely Hollywood ugly.
• I thought Dan would be fatter. He was merely Hollywood fat.
• I thought the Comedian would be less likable. I really felt conflicted. It was a good thing.
• I didn’t like the condensing/changing of Rorschach’s backstory. I am really caught up on the fact that he didn’t leave the child murderer in a burning building with a saw to cut off his hand.
• But oh god Jackie Earle Haley was perfect.
• WTF at Mickey from Seinfeld showing up.
• Dr. Manhattan on Mars doesn’t translate well to film, but I admire what Billy Crudup did with the character. And I’m kind of surprised that I didn’t see him as “that kid in Almost Famous.”
• Reading the trivia section on IMDb is kind of heart attack-inducing. Especially lines like, “X was slated to do Y, but turned it down.” Especially when X is Tom Cruise or Michael Bay.
• The only sex scene I can think of that is more awkward than Dan and Laurie in Watchmen is in R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet.