Yay WordPress!
I’m still fiddling around a bit with the layout, so please excuse any hiccups that you may come across. More content will be up when I have the time and motivation. I was just so damn tired of seeing the old page.
Please drop a comment here if anything seems to be malfunctioning, or if you have any design input*. I would really appreciate it.
*Writing quality will not be improved, so don’t waste your time.
Today I learned that the plural of “haiku” is “haiku.” Neato!
These haiku are from late 2002 or early 2003. It was midwinter, sometime between Thanksgiving and the end of winter break. I was seeing a guy and we had different ideas about our relationship. He was indifferent; I was infatuated. He tried to keep it casual; I (oh-so-embarrassingly) threw myself at him. He was very honorable about the whole thing; I refused to take “no” for an answer. We had a bunch of mutual friends, so he did what he could to create some distance between us.
I had never been rejected before. It hurt.
Solemn, you uttered,
“What we did never felt right…”
…it felt right to me.
I was sleeping with the guy while in a long-distance relationship with my high school boyfriend. I didn’t even care about my boyfriend’s feelings and I never felt guilty about cheating on him. You could call it cosmic irony, but it was really just selfishness. I think a lot of young adults go through that sociopathic phase.
Apathy crushes.
The wings of my mind are clipped;
My soul caged, muted.
I wish I could say I got a lesson in empathy out of the situation, but I didn’t. In fact, the boyfriend and I broke up and made up several times before finally calling it quits. And the guy who rejected me? I didn’t really learn anything there either, because I still can’t handle rejection adequately.
My track record has gotten a lot better over the years. I’m happy to report that I have been in a committed relationship with my husband since January 1, 2005, and I haven’t screwed it up yet. Woo!
I just found this poem I wrote back in high school, c. 2001. I’m kind of impressed with my past self.
And oh
I forgot
That all poetry
Must mimic
Sylvia Plath in
Its entirety.
Death! Worms!
Darkness! Disease!
There,
The great goddess Plath
Is appeased.
It appears to be expected of my hand:
Nay, it’s accepted if my hand
Is oft depressed, and if
My depression has sway?
And oh, am I to record at last
Each experience, each trespass
That happened within the stony
Halls of school today?
Though while I can see that they are aching
I am loath to start forsaking
Rules of grammar, rules of conduct
From the Victorian masters-o-scopic;
But I will say this of all
I have witnessed in this hall:
And that’s that some depresséd teens
Need some newer topics!
It’s been a whirlwind five-ish months. I finally started taking medication for my anxiety. As a result, I am leaving the house and entertaining far more often. I can’t bring myself to write much of anything when my life is going well. Writing is catharsis. With an awesome RN prescribing for me, and an equally fabulous therapist, I don’t find myself needing to purge my unsettling humanoid emotions via the Internets.
So, what’s been happening lately? Well, I got married on May 24th.
At the Museum of Science.
